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In today’s episode of Stuff I Learned Yesterday I share a story that shook my my sense of trust and ability to maintain perspective. And let me issue a warning up front – this episode contains descriptions of criminal activity that, although not graphic or detailed in any way, might not be suitable for young listeners.
Like many parents, my wife and I try to provide the best extra-curricular experiences for our seven-year-old daughter, Lila, outside of school. We agreed that at least one of her activities should be a sport, but after a couple of years of soccer, it was clear that Lila wanted nothing to do with aggressive competition. She takes after her parents that way – not a big sports family.
So we decided to enroll her in gymnastics once a week, and she loved it. My wife had tried gymnastics with Lila before at a different gym, and she felt the instructors really weren’t teaching the kids anything. But this new company was great. They had experienced instructors, many of whom had been working there 15, 20, or more years. And you could see Lila getting better at the various skills week to week. She was cartwheeling like a pro in no time! She’s been with the girls’ beginner class for almost a year now, and gymnastics definitely has taken hold better than soccer did.
So taking Lila to gymnastics is my job. Her elementary school is right next to the high school where I teach, and the class is only twenty minutes after the bell rings. We typically rush over to the gym just in time to hear the instructor call “Girls Beginner!” to usher the youngsters in.
It’s a nice setup inside the building with a large waiting room and huge windows looking across the expanse of the gym with all of the apparatuses visible like the parallel bars and the balance beam and everything else. Lila’s teacher, Mr. Paul, seemed nice, as did the other teachers, mostly men, some of whom even have that Russian accent that illogically makes you think, this is Olympic quality instruction! Sorry, but the Russians know their gymnastics!
Mr. Paul wasn’t Russian, but he was very professional and Lila said that, although he was sometimes stern when the girls got a little goofy, he was also funny and knew how to make teaching fun. I liked him, and I liked the company and their instruction.
One day, Mr. Paul wasn’t there, which was unusual. I didn’t think I had ever seen any of the teachers be absent for their session. But I thought nothing of it – one of the young girls who helps out sometimes took the class for him, and the afternoon continued as normal.
Imagine my surprise when the following day, my wife spotted an article in a local community Faceboook group that reported Mr. Paul’s arrest on charges of possession of child pornography. Police raided his home and found more than 30,000 images and videos on his computer and other devices, none of which he himself produced, thank goodness, but obviously the fact that he worked with children on a daily basis with no indication of wrongdoing was quite shocking.
Well, we as parents were shaken to the core. The gym put out a statement reinforcing the fact that the company performs regular background checks and that no accusations of inappropriate activity had ever been reported in the 25 years he had been working as an instructor there. 25 years!
We asked ourselves what should we do? What were other parents doing? Were they pulling their children from the class? Were other classes having kids drop out because of the news? Should we be worried that a bad apple snuck in and slipped under the radar for a quarter century?
In the end, we kept Lila in the class, and you know what? So did pretty much all of her classmates’ families. They got a new instructor, a fresh-faced 20-something girl whom all the children immediately adored. Probably a strategic hire, but who knows? I was impressed that no one reacted with accusations or anger at the reputable company who had been duped by this man whose proclivities may never have shown up in the workplace.
We easily could have blamed the gym and carried that mistrust with us, dwelling on the criminal act of the teacher and being suspicious of everyone who came into contact with Lila in a trusted role as coach or teacher. But we kept our perspective and realized that the secret crimes of an individual are not the fault of the people he deceived.
Here’s what I learned.
I didn’t expect the logical approach my wife and I took in this unfortunate ordeal, but I was even more pleasantly surprised that the other families reacted with a similar amount of perspective. I guess if you had asked me what I would have done in this situation as a hypothetical question, I would have assumed that Lila would be immediately pulled from the gym that would allow such a thing.
In the end, I’m glad we stayed. I’m glad that I can still trust in those around me to generally be good people. I’m glad that the other families didn’t react with outrage and gossip. I’m glad that even in the face of such unthinkable actions, everyone kept their perspective and realized it didn’t have to mean the kids had to stop doing an activity they enjoyed.
Lila knows her old teacher was arrested, but she doesn’t know why and we’ll likely never tell her. That’s how we protect her, not by causing a fuss and blaming people who aren’t at fault for one person’s problems, but by looking at the world with objective and hopeful eyes. I hope this optimistic perspective is how you approach problems you confront and that you generally view humanity as a force for good.
I’m Michael Ahr, and this has been stuff I learned yesterday.
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