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Welcome to Stuff I Learned Yesterday. My name is Darrell Darnell, English was my easiest subject in school, and I believe that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.
Notoriety is a weird thing. On one hand, it’s nice to be noticed for doing something good. On the other hand, it’s often awkward and uncomfortable to be the center of attention. Or maybe that’s just me. Let me give you an example.
I had two great English teachers in high school and one of them often told us that she was preparing us for college. I found what she said to be true. In fact, I found her high school class to be more difficult than either of college English Comp classes. My professor for English Com I was Mrs. English. That’s right, I had an English professor named English. She was fun and energetic. She often went on tangents about her efforts making bread or her love of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
On the first day of class I was early enough to get the best seat. For me, that seat was the back row farthest from the door. I liked to be tucked away in the corner with no one behind me and no one to one side of me. I felt more secure that way and it gave me fewer people to interact with.
I think part of my insecurity came from growing up in a small town to now attending a large university. I also think part of my reasoning for not wanting anyone behind me came from the memories of being teased growing up by kids sitting behind me in class or on the bus. But whatever my reasoning, I liked the back row corner spot.
I easily got an A in Comp I, so the next semester I enrolled in Comp II, again taught by Professor English. However, when I arrived on the first day of class, I was not early enough to get my desired seat. In fact, the only seats remaining were on the front row right in the middle. To me, this was the absolute worst spot imaginable. I sucked up my fear and took my seat. For reasons I still don’t understand, those seats we chose on that first day were our assigned seats and Professor English took roll. This meant I was stuck in that seat for the entire semester.
If that reality was terrifying enough, what she did the second week of class scarred me for life. She started the class as normal by taking roll. However, when she got to my name she paused before moving on. She said, “Now class, I want you to look at this guy. He sits there all semester and doesn’t say a word, but he cranks out A after A after A.”
I wanted to die. What was I supposed to do? Stand up and wave? Tell her thank you? Smile? I shrunk down in my chair, gave her a fake smile, and stared at my notebook the remainder of class. I still liked her as a teacher and found her class easy, but dreaded my seat and the attention she’d drawn to me. I appreciated the compliment on my work, but the whole situation just made me feel even more insecure. But I knew she meant well, so I didn’t have any hard feelings toward her.
I fell in love with podcasting in 2006. At that time I was spending a lot of time on forums and message boards dedicated to the TV show LOST. Someone in one of those forums mentioned there were podcasts about the show that could be found in iTunes, so I quickly went on the hunt for some. I found several that I enjoyed, including one by Cliff and Stephanie Ravenscraft called The Weekly Lost Podcast.
There were two things that I loved about their podcast. The first was that they did a live podcast right after the episode aired each week. This gave super fans like me the chance to immediately start talking and theorizing about the show. It was a great community, and it heavily influenced my format when I started my own podcast in 2008. The second thing I liked was that they lived up to the name ‘weekly.’ They put out at least one episode every single week of the year, which meant I was never at a loss for content about the show.
Cliff also had several other podcasts including one called The Podcast Answer Man. On that podcast he would provide info on how to start a podcast, which equipment to use, changes across the industry, and answer listener questions. That podcast was very successful and brought in a significant amount of revenue for Cliff. He was seen as one of, if not THE leading expert on podcasting.
In 2012, Cliff was hired by the Blog World conference to create a new track for that year’s conference devoted to podcasting. By that time I’d been podcasting for 4 years and my podcast had become successful in its own right. Cliff reached out to me to see if I would put together a panel with other fan podcasters, which I was honored to do.
The next year Blog World had rebranded to the name New Media Expo, and Cliff was once again hired to oversee the podcasting track. Once again, Cliff reached out to me to organize a panel. While the 2012 conference had been held in New York City, the 2013 conference was held in Las Vegas. Cliff organized a meetup in his hotel suite for members of his podcast community, and I was invited.
The event in NYC the previous year was my first-ever podcast conference. I attended a speaker-only party the night I arrived, but the music was so loud at the party it was nearly impossible to talk with anyone. I think I only spoke with 2 or 3 people, including Cliff. My panel was held the following morning and I immediately left to travel to Chicago. So I really didn’t have a chance to meet people.
The meetup in Las Vegas was different. This was a private party for less than 30 people. There was no loud music. There were just people. I was excited to meet more podcasters. This was also right at the time that I’d made the decision to quit my corporate job, although I was about 2 months away from handing in my notice. Still, it was a pivotal moment in my career and life.
I arrived at the hotel suite, entered the room, and was immediately hit with fear. Thirty people doesn’t seem like many people, but in that room at that moment, it felt like a thousand. No, a thousand people would have been more comfortable. This was too intimate, too few people. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I immediately looked for a corner and lurked there. I found a drink that I could hold. I felt somehow more hidden that way.
After some time had passed I got up my nerve to move around the room. I recognized a few faces, so I approached them. It was horrible. I just stood there like an idiot. I didn’t know what to say, so I don’t recall saying much at all. Feeling terribly awkward, I retreated back to a corner. I stood there watching all the people talk and laugh and interact. I wanted to be part of it so bad, and yet I was petrified.
Eventually I got my nerve up again and decided to inch my way around the room. Perhaps someone would notice me and start a conversation with me. I circled once, I circled twice, I circled again. There were a few “hellos” and “what’s your name” or “what’s your podcast?” But I didn’t know what to say or do next. I just stood there awkwardly waiting for them to use their conversational skills. I certainly had none to offer them.
Defeated, I left. I did stick around long enough to wind up in a group photo, but that’s about all I took home from that night. That was January 19, 2013. Facebook reminds me about it every year. And every year I look at that photo with regret.
Here’s what I learned.
When I look at that photo, I see missed opportunities. I see a guy who had just launched a podcast that was about to take the world by storm. He was about to become one of the biggest influencers in podcasting and I can think of several ways we could have benefitted each other. I see a guy who already had a successful audio production business that I could have learned a tremendous amount from. I see a man and woman who had realized how to incorporate their young children into their family business. I see a guy who was turning his passion for sports and podcasting into a full time dream job.
Mostly, I see faces that look somewhat familiar, but their stories I don’t know. I know they were excited about podcasting and they were hand-selected by Cliff to be there. I’m sure I could have helped them or they could have helped me in some way; probably both.
I see other faces that I was fortunate to get another opportunity to connect with, and a few that I even collaborated with on projects. That guy that had just launched the podcast that was about to take off, we connected about 2 years later and I helped him with a project. As a result, he endorsed my company and we added several new clients. The guy that had a successful audio production business? I ended up purchasing a training course from him a few years later that helped me grow my skills tremendously. We eventually met up again at a conference in California.
There are a few other people in that photo that I was able to get another opportunity with and my life is better for it. I hope theirs is too.
But I will always look at that photo and wonder what might have been. How might I have been able to help someone in that room at that time? How might they have been able to help me?
This fear is still something I struggle with. Once I get to know people, or if I’m in a room of people I know, it’s not a big deal. I can even be too outgoing or dominate a conversation if I’m not careful. But when I’m in a room of strangers or in a new environment, it’s a totally different story.
My biggest lesson from that night is that it’s a constant reminder for me to push myself to step away from the wall, be more mindful about thinking ahead of time for conversation starters, and push myself to engage with others. This is something that is still very much a lesson in progress for me.
Maybe you can relate to this struggle, and if so, I hope this episode encourages you. Maybe you’re one of those crazy extroverts who can’t relate to this story at all. If so, do me a favor. The next time you’re in a social situation, especially a small intimate one, scan the room for wallflowers, make your way over to one, and start up a conversation. You just might be the hero they were looking for at that moment.
I’m Darrell Darnell, and this has been Stuff I Learned Yesterday.
I want you to be a part of the next Monday Mailbag on September 30th! Monday Mailbag is your opportunity to Share what YOU’VE learned, so that other listeners and I can learn from YOU. It can be a message as short as 30 seconds or several minutes long. It really doesn’t matter just as long as it’s something that will benefit others. You can send in questions or responses to my SILY episodes, and I’ll respond to them via Monday Mailbag episodes. You can participate in Monday Mailbags by visiting the Golden Spiral Media listener feedback page.